I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
