Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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