I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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