there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
