I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
