MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
