Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
