I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
two words...techno handjob
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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