omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
