Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
