i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
