I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This toilet bowl is my home.
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