How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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