I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize