It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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