Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
