Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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