it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
