if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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