If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
