i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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