i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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