I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
