hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize