fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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