Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
