Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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