...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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