You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize