Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
