Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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