Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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