We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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