There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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