I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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