dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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