Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
