So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
