I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
