How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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