mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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