Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
