my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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