Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
