new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
