My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
