so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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