Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
