I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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