is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
