Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
