It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
