i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
