Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
