90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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