I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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