Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
