my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
