I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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