My friends, they love my intelligence
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
