How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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