I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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