Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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