why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
