I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
