Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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